Babywell in Berkeley

  I don't often tell my stories of Walden, because as a teacher and Collective member it sometimes feels boastful. Today, we had a small assembly celebrating and acknowledging AANHPI heritage month. Teachers and students shared their joyful learning of Asian heritage throughout the whole year: robust, nuanced, and real. I just want to give a public shout-out for ourselves. In the Fall, the art department and our new Drama teacher did a shadow puppet performance of the Monkey King. We attended as a family and my 3 year old son talked about it and read about it for months. When my father, who lives abroad came to visit and met my oldest child for the first time, he talked about the legend like it was common knowledge because at Walden, it is! The Drama teacher then guided our MG and UG students in a study of world theater, including a unit on Asian theater. The MG teacher has read more books with Asian characters and about the Asian experience than I have ever seen in an elementary ...

Something new is happening with Calvin where he is figuring out that he has motivations that we might not know. This week or so, he's learned how to open the bedroom door. And he's learned that he can close the door. So after his bedtime routine, one night he sort of seemed like he didn't want to do kisses and then walked us to the door, and said bye, told us to do stuff, and closed the door. Then I heard his little pitter patter footsteps running back to bed. I look at that monitor and he has a book in his hand reading. He read them book a few times, and then went to bed. Each night, he walks us to the door, gives us things to do (play with the train, play drums ok?) and sneaks back in bed to read for a few minutes. In the morning he tells us he woke up, peed by himself, and read quietly till it was green light. Tonight this happens, after bedtime I brush my teeth and he giggles while he wiggles his fingers under the door. I go to nurse the baby. A half hour  later I heard...

Calvin who is now two and half has been telling elaborate stories with more details than ever before. But he's also gotten to the point where his ability to describe his world is slightly below the complexity of the ideas he wants to share, which can lead to some frustrating moments. One of these moments was a couple weeks ago, I was changing Thomas and I exclaimed, "Wow, that's a big poo!" Calvin started saying something rapidly, and ran to the next room while talking. Then I hear him crying. I quickly wrap up the diaper to make sure he's okay, I find him in the bathroom trying to drag his giant heavy sink stool to the changing area because he wanted to "see the big poop" He was very upset that it was already wrapped up and only calmed down after I unwrapped it for a quick peek. I love hearing him reason to himself, repeat what happens in the day: "No Ho jie cheet ah, mommy cheet yah" (If Calvin cuts the fruit with the knife, it is dangerous,...

It's 3 weeks since Thomas was born. I don't quite feel like a mom of two kids but I guess you don't have to feel like one to be it.  Thomas started crying real tears after 1 week, which made him crying feel so much sadder. He has a lusty deep cry and it makes him feel really sad. This week he finally started being awake during the day when he wasn't trying to get food which has helped me feel like he's a real human. He looks around with wide monolidded eyes and a wrinkly forehead with a look of skepticism.  At night, he sleeps and wakes equally loudly, making sounds that resemble a gremlin or a mini elephant or warthog maybe. I got the all clear to not wake him up at night but his grunting makes it impossible to sleep through. I ended up buying a giant container of foam earplugs. The first night I put them in, I noticed that they blocked out the white noise machine, John talking to me, but let in every baby whimper, squeal, and squawk. The extra white noise machine ...

The other morning the timing worked out for me to take care of Calvin when he woke up before his green light. I went in, helped him with the potty and then we went back into bed for morning cuddles. He says to me, "boob" and mimed laying down. I asked if we wanted to cuddle on me and he said yes. Then I gave him kisses and said I love you Calvin. He said, "I love boobs, I love boobs, boobs boobs boobs." I laughed and said, do you love mommy? And he said, "I love mommy boobs" Today, Calvin said "I love mommy, I love baa baa, I love Thomas"

Baby number 2 was born just today and seems to be doing great.  I read that your heart grows but right now the baby is just a lump, a stranger, a point of comparison. I think it took a few weeks before I starting liking, then loving Calvin not only in concept so maybe it's the same every time. I miss Calvin so much though. We've only been gone a day and we will be home so soon. I tried to FaceTime him and he just told us we had to go home and was upset. I can't wait for them to love and play with each other but I think I feel guilty. Guilty for leaving Calvin while we are gone, for changing his entire life, for the way our attention is going up be split, for thinking about Calvin all day while looking at this other tiny baby, for not feeling as worried and anxious.  Additionally, I don't think I fully registered how my last birth shape my experience. I tell the story of Calvin's birth as generally being easy and straightforward but when my doctor and the...