Babywell in Berkeley

The other morning the timing worked out for me to take care of Calvin when he woke up before his green light. I went in, helped him with the potty and then we went back into bed for morning cuddles. He says to me, "boob" and mimed laying down. I asked if we wanted to cuddle on me and he said yes. Then I gave him kisses and said I love you Calvin. He said, "I love boobs, I love boobs, boobs boobs boobs." I laughed and said, do you love mommy? And he said, "I love mommy boobs" Today, Calvin said "I love mommy, I love baa baa, I love Thomas"

Baby number 2 was born just today and seems to be doing great.  I read that your heart grows but right now the baby is just a lump, a stranger, a point of comparison. I think it took a few weeks before I starting liking, then loving Calvin not only in concept so maybe it's the same every time. I miss Calvin so much though. We've only been gone a day and we will be home so soon. I tried to FaceTime him and he just told us we had to go home and was upset. I can't wait for them to love and play with each other but I think I feel guilty. Guilty for leaving Calvin while we are gone, for changing his entire life, for the way our attention is going up be split, for thinking about Calvin all day while looking at this other tiny baby, for not feeling as worried and anxious.  Additionally, I don't think I fully registered how my last birth shape my experience. I tell the story of Calvin's birth as generally being easy and straightforward but when my doctor and the...