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Becoming Mom

 When did you first start "feeling" like a parent?

It's funny because I've been grappling with the notion that being a parent feels a certain way, being a child to a parent most certainly did! I've been a teacher for 11 years, and I don't remember a time when I didn't own the identity of a teacher. I've been a cat-mom for a long time and at some point cat-lady became one of my identities. I've developed new identities over the years as well... sister, friend, wife, organizer and I've never recalled not feeling like these identities belonged to me. But mom? I feel like I'm faking it, making it up as I go along, like I can't get ahead of whatever this role brings. The only other time I've felt this way was when I realized I'm supposed to be an adult, and that never really took either! So when does it take? When I can wrap my brain around what is involved? When the baby declares it himself? I'm getting more sleep lately (John's getting less) and I feel so much better. The house is starting to be less cluttered, the pump parts are getting washed, there baby was bathed. Between pumping sessions, cleaning, feeding, changing, I've held Calvin in my arms and googled "what to do with a newborn". I've taken some baby photos, we sing, we zoom with my family, we sit outside under the rock wall, I've tried to wear baby with a wrap (but I need more practice I think) and I've organized all of Calvin's clothes by type and inches from neck to crotch. I've also marveled at how many times I've said or typed the word boob. If you have other ideas in what I might do with Calvin given the current pandemic and air quality, please send them my way.

Debra Wong

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