Infant No More

Tomorrow, Calvin will 1 years old. It's incredible to believe that his infant year slipped by, just like that. 

I watched as little teeth filled his mouth, and his loving toothless smile turned to toothy mischievious laugher. I hear this joyful giggle especially late into his wake window.  It's like the thinnest line between the time of his life and complete meltdown. It's my absolute favorite time to play with him.  When he takes baths, he stands up and starts throwing stuff out of the tub, laughing every time I say no firmly.  He thinks it's a game. 

He gives John and I (and probably anyone else that would let him get close enough) the biggest, wettest, suctioneist, loudest kisses. He "wah-wahs" with his little hands, claps, points, dances, and makes snoring sounds when he sees sleeping babies in books.  

Sometimes he will hold my hand and walk, leading me around the room like he forgot that he doesn't know how to walk yet.  He's able to stumble forward a few tiny baby steps but isn't quite catching his balance alone. He launches himself forward, facefirst, out of my arms, like he knows walking is a thing you do, and maybe if he fakes it till he makes it, it'll just work one day.  

He's also learning how things work, all the time.  The other day he figured out how to put light items over the air purifier launching them into the air over and over.  He loves to push the little balls into the ball puzzles, his mouth opening super wide with exertion.

Right now, he's wearing this little helmet to correct his lopsided little head and I think it's making him less careful about bumping into stuff.  He throws himself onto things, us, the wall, the ground. 

It's fo funny to see a curious little new person learning, and gathering information, and developing bad habits, just like a grown up might.  

And a year later, I definitely feel like I am no longer the same person. I look at my students with a different kind of tenderness. I also miss all the moments of my nieces and nephew growing up, I saw them plenty but just not enough as well.  It's becoming more and more clear that this is life whether or not we leave an impact, whether or not we love or hate our day to day, that this is life and it passes us by one moment at a time.